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One night I was writing right here at my computer, and I began to feel this pain and agony. I know it was not my pain. But I know I felt pain like this in the past. It is a gut-wrenching deep stabbing feeling deep inside of you that won’t go away.
A tremendous feeling that you wrestle with because you know in your heart that you are a good person and you try to be kind to everyone. You know that all of your life you have given and never asked anything in return except to be loved. As this feeling washes over me I wonder if you may be at the end of a relationship.
The perfect person
Then one day you find that perfect person. The one that makes you feel alive. You have looked for her or him all of your life, and you now believe that God has answered your prayers.
At first, all is good. You fall deeply in love and believe this is your soul mate to care for and have a friendship with until death do you part.
Things begin to happen. All of a sudden, this person is someone else. But it doesn’t last very long, and you believe you may have done something to make it happen. Why else would they all of a sudden flip? This person said you had caused it.
Your self-esteem isn’t always strong. The world believes you are arrogant, but you know that you put on a front because you are never very sure of yourself. So, you always act like you are right and rarely give into admitting wrong. It is an excellent coping skill to cover the pain of your childhood.
Things with the love of your life and you were rough for a couple of days. You thought you were at the end of a relationship but now all is well and running smooth. Never mind that you have to make sure you don’t upset them again. So, you walk around on eggshells for a couple more days.
After a few days, you become yourself again thinking it must have all been a nightmare. But just three weeks down the road your soulmate starts again.
This time you are home, and they arrive home pissed, and it is all your fault. The house isn’t clean enough, or dinner isn’t on the table. You don’t love them. You don’t care. You are the reason they can’t do well at work. Once again it is all your fault.
This time it lasts for a week. You leave for a day or two, but you can’t stay away because you love this person too much. So, you go home and vow to try harder. You work and take care of the kids and make sure the house is clean. You want this person to love you. All you have ever wanted is to be loved.
Marriage will fix all.
The story goes on like this for a few months until you convince yourself that marriage will fix everything. Getting married will take decrease the stress. So, you both plan a big wedding, and everyone attends.
Things go well, sort of well, for a couple of months. Then it starts again. You go for 2 or 3 years like this. You leave, they leave, but you both come back together. Then one day you get the strength to move on.
Extreme Pain-At the end of a relationship
The pain you feel inside is one that you know will never go away. You loved this person with all of your heart. You gave up your whole family to make them feel like they are number 1 in your life.
How will you wake up every morning? How will you go to work? How will you breathe?
The love of your life has found someone else, but you don’t care. You would go back in a heartbeat. You ache, and you can’t sleep. You can’t eat, and you can’t function.
If you are reading this and I have just painted the picture of your life, then you are in a very dysfunctional life and marriage. You are at the end of a relationship. If you have children, you can not go back because it is affecting your children also. Regardless of children, you can not go back to this manipulative mentally unstable person.
You did not cause this
You do not cause others to act out. They choose to act and react the way they do. You are not responsible for the anger that another has, and you can not take all the blame and pain in a relationship.
At the end of a relationship, both people in a relationship have to take responsibility for how they feel and how they treat their partner. No yelling or physical violence is an acceptable way for someone to treat you.
You can not make all things better by changing who you are. You are a good and kind person, and you have worked way too hard to make all things OK.
Walking on eggshells will not improve this situation. Bringing yourself down to a degrading level will not make someone love you more. It will, however, cause them and all the people in your life to lose respect for you. You will lose respect for yourself.
God is taking care of you
Forming your life around the wants and desires of another will not make them a better person, but it will cause them to feel like they have the right to put you down all the time. You are unique and need to live who you are inside. God made you in his image. You are a child of God.
When you pray for God to fix the situation you are putting him in a box. God did not say anyone has to live this way. He may be saying you are at the end of a relationship. He did say he will take care of you. Maybe he is caring for you by allowing you to get a glimpse of who you use to be and just how bad things are now.
Find yourself again
It is time for you to step out and find that person who you use to wake up to each day. That person who cared about people, their children, and family. The one who knows what their favorite color and hobbies were.
It is time now this very minute to be happy again. You are at the end of a relationship and it will take time for you to let go of the old and build on the new. It will take time to learn who you are and not who you tried to be to make another person happy. And it will take time to heal.
Are you ready to feel real love again? The kind that comes from the heart and produces peace and puts a smile on your face. Then I urge you to walk away, endure the pain of loss and become you again.
Do not expect to get justice for the loss of time or pain. These types of thoughts will only keep you grounded in the darkness. Letting it go and forgiving will expand your ability to heal.
I am here for you if you have questions or comments. Please leave them in the comment section below, and I will be back with you very shortly.
P.S. I know this is hard, but I also know you can do it!
In this post I refer to the other person as they, them or their. A situation such as this can happen to either gender and I did not want to limit the help I may provide.