How To Leave A Narcissist-7 steps

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What is a narcissist?

According to the dictionary, the definition is having an excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance.

This definition does not do justice to the havoc a narcissist or NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) person does to the people in their life. For this post, I will refer to a narcissist as NPD and as him only because the majority of NPD people are male.

I am only going to touch on what an NPD is because if you are reading this post, you probably are all too aware of what this type of person is.

Poema girl with hand on a window pane in the rain with a poem written on it

You may be wondering where I came up with this poem. That is a good question. It happened while making a 10-hour drive home. The poem poured out of my soul. I put it to this photo and let it sit for a couple of weeks. When I read it today, I realized it is the cry of one who needs help finding themselves after a relationship with a narcissist — one who desires the strength to break away and stay away.

NPD manipulation

An NPD is the person who always has to have the attention, interrupts others to get attention and bring all conversation back to them, but who you are and what you need when you first start a relationship.

The NPD is the one who puts on a show for guests and friends, berates you in private and protects his reputation at all cost. He is the person who believes his existence is most important, admires himself, believes that he is successful and powerful even when he does not have a job and is envious of everyone while thinking every one envies him.

He is the one who manipulates all situations and people to get what he wants and is mean rude and degrading when he feels his reputation is in jeopardy.

Does this sound familiar to you? I can only imagine what you have been put through at this point in your relationship. By now you have tried to leave him three times, but either didn’t make it out the door or came back when you felt you needed to take care of him. After all, you love him so much!!!

The time is here,  RUN.

But now you have hit the wall, and he has taken every bit of self-confidence you ever had and twisted it into an the word rununrecognizable piece of horrible mess. It is time to make a move and run. But exactly how do you do this?

That is what we will go over in this article. This poem is the end of the road when you finally realize that you are not with or married to Mr. Prince Charming but a self-absorbed, hateful, degrading pig.
The moment of awakening when you know that you are in a bad relationship and you are going to get out is the time to act.

How to leave a narcissist-7 steps

1. RUN— You can’t tell the person you are going or plan to break away. You have to devise a place to live and move quickly. He will not try to make your stay comfortable on the contrary he will put you down, tell you how worthless you are and shred that tiny bit of self-confidence into a pulp. If you run, you will have him behind you before he opens his hateful mouth.

2.  Break all contact—Delete his phone number, any mutual relationships and all social media accounts. This action sounds drastic, but you will begin to miss him and feel guilty after only a day or so. You will start to look for ways that he is missing you on social media and through mutual friends. If you do this, you will end up back.

3.  Do not respond in any way to any word about him or any contact with him–When he finds out that you have blocked all communication, he may try to contact you. But most likely he will try to hurt you by allowing you to see how happy he is or who he is with now. Only he is significant to himself, and he has to protect his reputation no matter what.

4.  Build a new life—Go for long walks by yourself to discover who you are again. Go to the store and pick out dishes or bedroom sets that you may like. By the time you have decided to leave him, he has consumed your life, and you no longer know who you are. You don’t have to buy things but rather determine what you may like and learn who you were before you met him all over again.

5. Still, do not be tempted to check in on social media or with friends to see what he is doing. As you begin to heal you may feel compelled to do this. You may believe he could start to love you again because you like who you are.

6. Never give in—do not cave and go back. I have repeated this one in different phrases in each number, but you will start believing he wants you and your life can be like it was when you first met him. After all, you believe he once loved you. Not so true. He never cared for you. He is only capable of loving himself.

7. Never, ever, ever think it is OK to see him again. He will at some point attempt to contact you and draw you back into the fold of his hateful life. Until you are completely over him, his charm and manipulation will tempt you.

 

When it is finally over

When the day arrives that you no longer feel any twinge or emotion at the mention or thought of his name you are on your way to healing. Not yet healed but working toward recovery.word recovery in white

You will know this day because you can pamper yourself, hug yourself, smile at yourself and forgive yourself for all the things he put you through.

Then and only then will you be OK to move forward into the daylight of a new dawn. Now is the time when you stop begging to be turned loose from the devil’s breath instead you will be set free. Freedom comes on the wings of self-love.

You may have questions or comments. Please leave them below, and I will be back with you shortly.

Also feel free to share this article for I am not sure who may be in need of the courage it will give them to break away.

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10 thoughts on “How To Leave A Narcissist-7 steps”

  1. Hi.

    I’ve never heard the name Narcissistic Personality Disorder before but I have known plenty of people with these traits both men and women. I would believe that the majority of people that could classify as having this particular disorder are men but that doesn’t mean it is exclusively masculine. For example, my mother was a classic example of this behavior.

    Coming from someone who has been in more terrible relationships than I would like to admit, I just always surmised that these were control tactics. If s/he can keep you dependent on them then you won’t have the strength to get out. I wouldn’t be surprised if many abusive partners don’t even realize what they are doing but acting out of habit. I’m not saying it should be excused, just understood.

    Thanks for sharing this article!

    • Tina, You are right in that the majority of people affected with NPD are men. Most NPD people do not want help because they feel they are fine and justify their actions. But the person who is with an NPD is the one who needs to know about these traits. And your mom may have been NPD. I hope you are healing from the relationships you have had and this helps you learn and choose your partner well. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I do appreciate your input. 

  2. Well Laura, you have certainly opened my eyes to the main traits of a narcissist,mostly male it would seem.They seem to be really into themselves a kind of selfish person who can never listen to other people’s stories for too long and will always try to turn the conversation back to themselves.I can’t imagine living with a person like that, they seem so self centred and thoughtless about other people in their lives.Is it possible to change their personality? I don’t think for even one minute that that is possible, the best advice is to look around for a more people centred human being that is willing to listen and to care.

    • I am happy to have helped with your understanding of an NPD. My understanding of this disorder is they rarely change because they don’t want to and it is a very difficult mental illness to treat. I hope to educate the public so men and women alike can choose functional partners. 

  3. Laura, thank you for taking on such a tough topic. It’s well needed. I didn’t even know that this was a serious issue until I ended up speaking with a gal who for 2 hours describe to me what her life was like living with a narcissist. I always thought that people were just really set in their ways and didn’t want to change. As extremely naive to believe this. The article is a good stepping stone for anybody that is looking to truly get away, 100% reach out to somebody for help if you don’t feel like you can do this yourself.

    • Johnny, When a person has not been exposed to the life of a narcissist it is hard to believe the story someone else will tell you. It is a living nightmare for the abused in a relationship. I am here to assist any way I can if you someone who needs to talk. And thank you for taking the time to listen to this girl. I am sure she appreciates you. 

  4. I must say that your article is very interesting and in some case, very helpful Laura. I know so many people (some of them being my friends) who are truly Narcissist and it is so hard to be social with those people. My sister’s boyfriend is one of those people and I am sure that she would like to read your 7 steps even if she loves him lol.

    • I am sure your sister believes she loves him. An NPD can be very persuasive and charming at the beginning of a relationship. But they are habitual liars. Please feel free to share this with your sister. She will need this information someday when she decides she has been abused enough. 

  5. Within my beliefs, being a narcissist or any evil thing is not the individual’s fault.The battle is not against flesh and blood but against wickedness and fallen angels. However, we must protect ourselves from all evil  and I conclude these steps are wise to be taken. I would pray for these steps one takes to g in God’s hands. 

    • Linda, In my opinion, and the word of God all of the universe is in a battle of good and evil. And yes the evil can come in the form of a narcissist. So if you come across someone like this please pray for them and their partner. For it will take prayer for the abused person to have the strength to break free. 

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