I have recently run into some very arrogant and intimidating people. The sad part is each one of them is a medical caregiver from doctors to nurses and everything in the middle.
Have you ever heard that if you know a blogger, then you will one day end up in one of their blog posts? If you have, then believe me when I say it is a true statement. My inspiration for life site addresses so many different walks of life.
And today I will talk about how to respond to intimidation. You want to cower down and run but that is not the best solution. It is not your fault but the actions of another person.
People are an enigma to me. I tend to get upset with them when they treat me with disdain, but later, when I think through the episode, I try to understand why someone would treat another so poorly.
I will give you just a slight example of what took place. My husband and I attempted to set up primary care in a new location. We went to a highly recommended physician. I have yet to figure out why this person was so perfect.
With our first visit, he mocked me and treated my husband with grave disrespect. Now, why would he do this? At first, I thought it was because he felt he was better than we are because he is a doctor.
But I have known many many good and kind doctors, and we are friends with some of the best doctors as people a person can ever meet. None of those think they are better than others. Then I began to think about why a person would feel this way?
Then I recently visited an emergency room. Since I am an ER nurse, it takes an act of God to drag me into any ER. And after this visit, I will never step foot in one again. I told my husband that medics would have to drag me from my house either unconscious or kicking and screaming before I will enter an ER again.
I had a nurse who was rude and intimidating from the moment she stepped into my room. She worked overtime to provoke me to anger. I did reasonably well but not so good. Mostly I took on the passive-aggressive role. I did report her and found out she has had issues before.
But why did she feel the need to treat a person in this manner?
Why does anyone think they are better or above anyone else? I believe it leads back to a lack of self-esteem. Maybe an abused history that they can only overcome if they put others down.
Abuse is debilitating, but the abused have a choice to change their lives and heal. But the healing process is different for each person.
Many victims who have had abuse in their lives use anger as a tool to protect themselves. If they stay angry, they will not have to face the issue. It allows them to transfer their pain onto another person through continued abuse or treating others as if they caused the problem.
Have you ever heard an abuse victim say they don’t remember what happened or they didn’t remember until later in life? Sometimes the pain is too much for their brains to comprehend, so they push it way back inside of themselves and try to forget.
Many abused children will believe way into adulthood that they caused the abuse. They hang onto the fear and blame themselves because it is safer to assume they caused it. If they admit it is not their fault, then they have to acknowledge that someone they loved harmed them.
Some people use their abuse to talk about and help others with the same issue. Yet some go into the helping profession because it helps to relieve the guilt associated with what took place. Helping others gives them a sense of goodness and wholeness.
Using the pain to grow
Then there are the rare group of abuse victims who use the pain from the abuse and decide to overcome. They want to feel good about themselves and set out to heal themselves and forgive the abuser. This group is approximately 1% of victims.
I have to believe the best about these people who act like they are better and treat others poorly. There is only one group that I would have to exclude from this belief. That is the narcissist — the one who knows what they are doing and wants to continue hurting others.
I wrote a post about narcissists if you would like to take a look.
Let me talk about the nurse first. Most would say that a person who is mean should not be allowed to practice in a field to help others. Why I even said that myself. But how does a person who is angry and wants to appease their pain stay away from helping others?
I believe she is the perfect example of a person who deals with their abuse with anger, denial, and helping others. She must be bewildered to be so angry and yet not admit it is from abuse. Then she attempts to help others so she can feel good about herself only to hurt others in the process.
I believe this fella is in denial and blames himself. He tries not to remember what has happened. He is a doctor, after all. In the process of blaming himself, he feels so guilty that he puts others down to appease his pain.
How To Respond To Intimidation
A million-dollar question that I will attempt to answer.
First, you are human and will probably feel intimidated or angry at first, just as I did. But there are different ways to look at the situation. As victims all over again, we also have coping mechanisms.
When you are intimidated, it is normal for you to feel that you must have done something to cause it. It was your tone of voice or the way you spoke or the words you chose. So no wonder the person mistreated you.
With the pain you have been through, you strike out in anger. What the person said and did to you cause you to feel guilty all over again and pushed the low self-esteem buttons. How dare they do this to you?
Taking The High Road
Adopting a mature approach is the most difficult. When someone mistreats you, there is a reason, and it is not you. It is OK to stand up to them but in kindness. It is OK to set your boundaries and not allow them to treat you poorly.
Then it is time to try to understand why they may have talked to you in a demeaning manner. Understanding does not mean you allow it. It does mean that with the knowledge you have, you can let it go and realize how miserable the other person is. They have not worked through their issues as you have. They are stuck in an area for the rest of their lives because they chose not to overcome it.
Then you have to let go and walk away. Again you didn’t cause the problem. You didn’t cause the pain, and you can’t fix them.
There are so many different people in this world. You won’t all like each other. But if you hang onto situations and dwell on them, you will not heal either. You are responsible for your journey in this world and not for the road others choose to take.
Now it is time to pat yourself on the back for the excellent job you have done the healing. Move on and continue to grow from past pain and the pain others try to transfer to you.
No one is better than another. No one has the right to treat you wrong, but there will always be those who feel the need to do so because these type of people can not face their life unless they do.
The types of people I came across this past month are in all professions. If you have a story to share, we would love to hear it.
Please leave all questions and comments in the comment section below. Do you have some ideas on coping mechanisms I may have missed?