I want to be independent. I want to live on my own and take care of myself. I want to make decisions for myself. But I’m not happy. I know it is because of the people at work. It is their fault I am not satisfied. If they would do…….. I would be happy!!
Have you heard this one before? It is always someone else’s fault. She doesn’t want to be responsible, but she does want to be adult. She doesn’t want to take on adult situations, but she does want to make decisions for herself.
Part of this mindset is a young age. Someone in their teens or early twenty’s may not have thoroughly learned this process yet. What about the person who has passed this young age and has determined how to be responsible and still wants someone else to make them happy. Will it work for them?
No, It will not. You can’t expect someone else to make you happy. Another person can not build you up or make you laugh. Yes, you may laugh at jokes and funny stories, but another person cannot put laughter inside of you.
Learning that happiness comes from inside of you can be a hard concept to grasp. We have all met a happy person. When we meet them, we tend to think life must be perfect for them. Or we may think they have the perfect husband and friends who always say the right things to them.
We have also met a proverbial unhappy person. We don’t usually think of them as having a sad life or hooking up with the wrong person. We typically look at them and wish they were not so cynical and angry because they are hard to be around.
The real question is, how do you make yourself happy and feel like you are a decent person? These emotions and feelings have to come from inside of you. They are generated by your thought process and are your responsibility.
You could use excuses like my mom was negative or I hang around negative friends. But you can be positive and generate a feeling of goodness no matter what influences you.
To continue to have the desire for others to make you happy and build you up is a choice you are making because it is work to change. If you believe it is someone else’s job to take care of you then you won’t have to change.
But if you want to change and have healthy, peaceful emotions of happiness, you will need to change your thought process. Whenever a negative thought comes to mind move it out with a positive one. Whenever a negative feeling about yourself comes to mind move it out with a positive affirmation of goodness.
I had to learn this process years ago. I was very cynical with very low self-esteem. It made me very unhappy, and I didn’t understand why others didn’t make me happy.
You can start by hanging out with confident and happy people. You will learn from their example. You can also stand in front of the mirror and speak only good things to yourself, like “I look perfect in these jeans” I have beautiful skin.” Start with the visible physical appearance then move deeper into your heart.
Dig deep inside of you and find things that you have done that are kind and good. Affirm these things in spoken words to yourself. Repeat them in times when you feel low self-esteem.
I remember the times I began to do this process. I just knew it would not work. I argued with myself about being positive. As I practiced it and continued, I found it became more natural as time passed. The changes that took place snuck up on me. I succeeded and so can you.
Hang in there. Keep repeating what an incredible and amazing person you are. Move other people’s negative energy away from you by replacing your negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
You will see the difference in time. You will develop an inner strength that will stick. You will be much happier to have taken responsibility for your life and your happiness.