Why is it that people don’t speak their mind or rather the truth? I do understand that carrying this too far can appear to be rude. But when people talk, they seem to speak in riddles of lies.
I have always been straightforward. I had done this to the point of intimidating others when this was not my intention. I have learned as I have matured how to temper my speech a bit. The truth or a definite answer can be a difficult thing for others to hear.
Tell the truth in kindness
There are ways, to tell the truth without getting in someone’s face or tearing down their self-esteem. But at the same time, I want to convey my thoughts without another person needing to guess what I intended to say. When you speak the truth and communicate clearly, it leaves very little room for misinterpretation.
Have you ever noticed that when some people ask a question, they do not want to listen to the real answer? The question is asked to validate what they were thinking. They want you to give an answer that makes thinking in their mind correct.
Speaking in Riddles Of Lies
Or a person may speak in riddles when they ask a question. Instead of making a statement they ask a question to prove they are right. They want you to come to the same conclusion they have already decided. And if you don’t answer what they want to hear they rephrase the question repeatedly until you come up with the “correct answer.”
Or maybe you have noticed that there is one person in the crowd who timidly agrees with everything others say. They don’t want to cause problems, so they don’t speak the truth.
Were you raised to believe you are not good enough to voice your opinion? Maybe you had overbearing parents who were always right. Or brothers and sisters who never let you speak.
Reasons people do not speak the truth;
- People may want to engage you to transfer their anger. If they talk in circles, they have to opportunity to pinpoint you and draw you into an argument.
- You may feel if you state the truth people will not like you. Low self-esteem may prevent someone from speaking out. You want to to make everyone happy. When you speak your mind, you feel guilty. You may not feel you have the right to speak clearly. If you were treated poorly and abused, you may think that you are not worthy to speak the truth. You don’t want others to become angry with you.
- You may have been taught at a young age never to confront a situation. If you face a problem or state a comment that makes people upset you may feel you caused a drift. So, you are non-confrontational.
- Or speaking the truth has always resulted in punishment. Maybe when you were small, your parents didn’t allow to speak your mind. As you grew up, you believed that to give answers people wanted to hear was the way to be liked and stay out of trouble. Your parents taught you that when you, to tell the truth, it was not accepted. You were always in trouble when you stated a fact. So instead you practice telling others what they want to hear.
It could be any number of reasons that people speak in riddles of lies. But to not communicate well causes more heartache than the truth will.
You can say what is on your mind and still have others think highly of you. It is essential to be respectful and kind while giving a direct answer.
Ways to be kind when you speak the truth;
- Do not engage with an angry person. When someone is questioning you to draw you in, but they already know the answer, do not respond. Walk away and do not allow them to transfer their anger to you.
- Learn to answer without confrontation. You can answer any question or statement without pointing out the faults of another person. When you speak the truth, you do not have to direct it at the problems of a person personally. You can answer directly broadly and respectfully.
- You are not in trouble. You are an adult now and to respond in a conversation with the truth is not going to get you in trouble. Now if you are rude and disrespectful then yes you may harm yourself. But if you are kind and stating the facts, you will come out ahead.
- Speak with authority. You are just as good as anyone else in the room. You have every right to speak your thoughts. If someone treats you poorly, then you may be hanging around with the wrong people. Don’t let someone else destroy your self-esteem.
Examples of direct answers;
- Someone asks you, “why don’t you like me?” Your answer doesn’t have to be “but I do like you.” Instead, you can speak the truth if you don’t care for them you can say, “It’s not that I don’t like you but rather that we are different people and have different morals and beliefs.”
- Someone asks, “Was so and so talking about me?” Instead of saying “no” which may be a direct lie you can say, “Yes they were, but I am not one to pass on things others say.” Then this person can not put you in the middle of a problematic situation.
Make sure you state the truth and do it in a kind and respectful manner.
Practice direct truthful answers
Just one last thing, giving a direct answer is different than telling someone off or telling another how you feel about them. Words spoken like this are not kind or respectful, and then the result will only lead to further problems.
When someone asks you a question, I encourage you to practice direct answers. The truth can be liberating and build your self-esteem. You won’t have to wonder if someone understands you or took your answer wrong.
What would this world be like if we all spoke the truth without malice or evil intent? Would communication between individuals and countries improve? What are your thoughts on this?
I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences on Riddles Of Lies. Please leave them in the comment section below, and I will be back with you very shortly.