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I am sure there have been times you do not know how to tackle a problem. Everyone around you has advice, and you are so confused. But what is right for you? What is the truth? What is the best way for you to handle the issue?
First, let me say that the problem may be a big one or a minor one or somewhere in between. No matter the size, it is still a problem.
Everyone Has A Suggestion
When you talk about your problem with others, every person you encounter will believe their way is the only way, but this is not true. It may be the best way for that person but not for you.
Each person is unique and deals with things differently. So, you can take their suggestions but take a look at who you are, and it is a good fit for you.
Remember that every problem has a solution. We may not like the choices we have, but we do have them. Just as there are different ways to solve the problem, there are also different ways to cope with the problem.
Naive
Now some people are naive, and they don’t even see their problem as an issue. There is nothing wrong with this. It is like a positive mindset that takes over when the stress is high.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to be naive is to have unaffected simplicity.
Simplifying the problem is a coping mechanism. We all have different ways to cope. If you are a person who needs to believe that every problem is simple and not an issue, this is not all bad. But maybe it is not all good either.
Let me ask you, though, if you simplify the issue, are you able to look at it realistically. Will you see the complete problem, or will you ignore parts of it so you can cope? So, what is the truth?
Denial
Now another way to deal with a problem is to deny it. It is not happening, and it is not in your life.
We all have moments of denial in our worlds. Sometimes things are too painful to hit head-on, so we say they don’t exist.
If your problem is an inability to pay the bills if you ignore them, will it help? No, it only makes them worse. If you don’t pay your electric bill, the company will turn off your electricity. Now you don’t have a way to cook, take a shower or keep warm, which creates a bigger problem.
But if your doctor tells you that you have cancer and you are in denial, it may be a functional coping mechanism for a while. A diagnosis like this is so overwhelming that your brain can not comprehend, and you shut down.
If you deny a situation like this, is it functional? Yes, it is because you have to take the time to come to terms with it. Your brain has to wrap itself around the tremendous fear.
So, if someone tells you that you have to face the problem of cancer head-on, they may be wrong. Guidance like this may not be beneficial for you at that time.
Innocent
OK, so let’s say you a severe issue, and you claim the “I am innocent” stance.
You didn’t do it, or this is not who you are. A situation like this one may stem from abuse as a child. You were an innocent child. The adult is at fault.
You are innocent. Is this a functional way to deal with the pain. Yes, it very well, maybe.
If you can realize that you were the innocent child and the adult made you do things you did not know about, then yes, you are innocent, and yes, you have come a long way.
So, let’s say a person comes along and tells you that you were not innocent and you have to face this problem head-on, you can proudly say that you have.
Because the day you accept that you did not have control over the issue is the day that you have given this much thought and forgiven yourself for the abuse.
Suspicious
But let’s say you are suspicious about everything. Everything is a problem. You live in continuous fear. You hide behind your problems and do not learn to work them out.
Is this a functional way to deal with an issue. I would have to say no. But it is your way of coping. And it is a way you learned from being exposed to repeated pain.
If another person comes along and tells you that you have to face the issue head-on, they do not understand the fear of a horrendous problem. You may have to be in fear to protect yourself.
One day you will need to deal with the fear to move forward. But before you tackle this issue head-on, you will need to heal from the pain inflicted on you.
Hitting the issue head-on may be too much of a shock to your brain and emotional well-being.
4 Ways To Cope-What Is The Truth?
We have come full circle here with 4 different ways to deal with an issue. Have we given you the best answer? I would have to say no.
The whole point is that you have to find the best way to cope. If you have used all four of these methods to solve a problem then you are more typical than the one who is telling you how you should do it.
When you are in a difficult situation, your self-esteem is already at an all-time low. For another person to come along and take advantage of this is not a person who is a good friend or someone who has the experience to tell you how to deal with issues.
Do not let another dictate how you should behave or how you should deal with issues. You have to develop your own way. When you do, it is then that you will grow and mature. The one who is telling you their way is best is the one who may not cope the best.
You can simplify, deny, be the innocent, and be suspicious all at the same time.
Do It Your Way
But the most crucial part is to do it your way. Your emotional set up is designed for you only. You have to work through issues according to your make up. If you make a mistake, then learn from it and make a different decision the next time.
Have you experienced a person telling you how you should deal with a problem you have? I would love to hear how you handled it. Please leave your story, comments, and or questions in the comment section below, and I will be back with you shortly.
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I got some suitable lessons learned from here, and they actually helped me to take responsibility for what’s happening with my life. I live a very stressful life with financial problems topping the list of challenges. You’re right; you can’t deny they don’t exist as the more you deny them, the more they get worse. I must take control of the situation while maintaining a positive outlook in life.
I am so happy I can help. Life is stressful, but you say you need to keep a positive outlook. That is the best way to look at everything. Life can get us down, but with the right mindset, you can tackle anything.
I feel like you wrote this article for me. I truly am in the situation of having people tell me what they would do. In my situation, it makes me feel even more conflicted because it’s not compatible with my values and personality. I, therefore, try to do what I think is best according to my make up.
Yes, you have to always do what is right for you. No one else can deal with your situation as well as you can. You hang in there. Do it your way.
This is a very provocative question you have used as the title for this article and it piqued my curiosity to read more. People deal with issues in their lives in different ways and often they either cannot accept the truth or do not want to. This is when it can be ideal to have someone that will lay out the truth and listen to you.
Most people fool themselves to a degree, it is easier than really drilling down deep to figure out what is the truth, casting aside the defense mechanisms that we all have and use. It can be easier of you have someone to bounce this process off of, but a lot of it comes down to you.
I have had well-wishers that try to add their opinions and advice even if not asked. I generally dismiss them out of hand because I know from where it is coming, it is not a genuine concern, rather there may be an agenda of their own that is behind what they may advise. Perhaps one important personal skill to develop is the ability to know the difference?
Hi Dave, Drilling down deep within ourselves is a complicated process. Most are not willing to do this, but it is necessary to lead a functional life.
Also, to know the difference between someone who is genuine and a well-wisher is hard to discern. But again, when we take a close look at what we want and need, it does get easier.
Thank you for your comment. It will be of great value for those who read this post and find their way.