I wrote this one night when I was experiencing a constricting all-consuming emotional pain. The pain was clenching my heart because of someone close to me. A few days after I wrote this I sat down to write a blog post to go along with it.
When I finished my blog post, I re-read it only to realize I had been hurting so much that I wasn’t willing to open myself up to my readers. How can I expect you to grow from my experiences if I am not willing to bear my heart and soul to you?
So, tonight I sit here re-writing my post with the thought in mind that I do this to help you. My pain was from a family interaction, but the pain you experience may be from something different. What caused the pain is not the real issue here but what you feel and how you can overcome it is what I will convey to you.
This moment of pain I am speaking of was a relapse of something I had previously experienced. A small sight, sound or smell brought it all back. I had worked through this and accepted the outcome of the situation a year ago. I thought I was free of the pain and would live the rest of my days in peace.
But the pain I felt a year ago was the same I felt again? How could this be possible? Why did the pain feel the same? How long would this plague me? How would I get past this and how long will it take? What do I do?
I am resilient. You are also. So, I set out to find a way to get past this once again. The insecurities about myself ran through my head. I began to wonder what kind of person was I? Maybe it was all my fault or perhaps I could have done more to prevent the original incident.
I knew this kind of thinking was counterproductive, but it consumed me. So, I found one person who I knew would be honest with me, my husband and talked to him. He reassured me that I am good enough and what had happened was not my fault. He helped me to see that I have no control over the actions of another. With this reassurance, I could breathe again. I could think again.
But I still felt like the dark was closing in on me. My world was sad, and my peace had fled. What do I do? I was wondering the house without a purpose in mind. I was stumbling through my thoughts wondering what I did to deserve this. I was a victim all over again.
I knew that as long as I allowed myself to be a victim, I was helpless to recover. I was caught in the night and could not see the light. It was that moment I stood tall and realized my strength is in the Lord. I prayed and asked for peace.
My God is always faithful to deliver if I allow him to take care of me. He did give me strength and my thinking became clear. So, I gave myself a time to feel sad.
When I do this, I allow myself to wallow in the pain for a set amount of time. In this case, it was just a few hours. When my time was up, I pulled out of the darkness, took a breath and looked to the light.
For you, the pain may be from something different than it was for me. But the all-consuming constricting feeling is the same. You can use the same principle to see the light just as I did.
Give yourself time to feel the pain. It is real, and it is affecting you.
Find one person to confide in who will be honest with you.
Find your peace in whatever method you use. I chose prayer.
Decide to be a victor, not a victim.
Forgive yourself for your part in the situation. Repeat to yourself positive affirmations of goodness that you are worthy and kind and that you did your best.
Then choose to move forward and let it all go once again.