I Need a Miracle She is Absolutely Positively Negative

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I know we have all heard the power of positive thinking. I also know we have also run into the narrow negative thinker. The one who complains and moans and groans. How does it make you feel when your day is bright and your heart is singing, and negative Nelly comes to visit?

You see her coming up the walk and think about hiding to let her believe you aren’t at home. But instead, you roll your eyes and answer the door as you think, I need a miracle, she is absolutely positively negative!I Need a Miracle She is Absolutely Positively Negative

How does Nelly feel?

Let’s turn this around a bit. We all know how you feel because most of us have been in a situation like this. But how does Nelly feel? Do you think she enjoys the constant barrage of negative thoughts in her head? Or does she not realize how her friends receive her when she starts to talk.

I think Nelly knows who she is and how she sounds. Yes, she tries to cover it up with her rationalization.  Nelly tells herself she is made this way and can’t change.

But when she is alone, and all she has for company are her repeated negative thoughts rushing around in her head she is just as uncomfortable as you are.

Why does Nelly continue with the negative behavior? What makes her have negative energy?

Definition of a negative person

Sometimes we need to put things into perspective. When we can understand what we are dealing with it is easier to handle.

Negative according to Vocabulary.com   https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/negative

Negative means focused on what is bad or lacking. A negative ad tells you bad things about the competition. A negative person loves to complain.

characterized by or displaying negation or denial or opposition or resistance; having no positive features

With this definition would it be safe to say that a negative person has awful thoughts that come out of their mouth. They see the glass as half empty, the day as gloom and doom and the sky is always falling on their head.

Why is Nelly negative?

  1. Cover up

She may be using her negative processing as a way to cover up the pain. The emotional kind of pain that runs deep to the inner core of her heart.

This pain may stem from refection as a child or an adult. Instead of facing the pain she draws attention away from herself by complaining and talking negatively. The people around her focus on their uncomfortable feelings with the negative behavior and do not see her inner pain.tulips and a quote

  1. Low self-esteem

She is an introvert by nature and is uncomfortable in conversations. All she knows to talk about is how someone else has done her wrong. Or she is focusing on the negative aspects of another person so she will not have to face her inadequacies.

She doesn’t want anyone to notice how insecure she is.  Nelly exudes negative energy; her friends become uncomfortable with this horrible feeling. They can’t see past her exterior to look at her insecurities. People around her are contemplating how they can get away from her.

She has acted this way for so long that it is unintentional. But it does take the attention off of her lack of social skills.

     3.  Depression

When depression begins, it will manifest in anger and negative thoughts. Displeasure is one of the stages before the deeper feelings that will follow.  Your friend may have problems with depression. It may be in the beginning stages or not well controlled.

Inside she feels worthless. Everything that comes from her mouth will be negative if she is unaware of the depression or trying to hide behind the feelings.

Now we have three possible reasons for Nellies actions. How will you deal with your friend now that you know more about the intentions behind her negative behavior?

Helping Nelly and yourself

  1. compassion

The best way to help Nelly is to show her kindness. Understanding why she is this way will help you see her differently. You can continue to have a friendship with her. But compassion alone will not change who she is.

You can bring to her attention that she is finding something wrong with everything around her. Hopefully, she will be receptive. If she is not at least, you have opened up her mind to think about this later.

If she becomes angry and does not listen to you, then it is time for the next step.

  1. You did not cause her behavior

You can not change her. She will need to decide to get help and improve herself. Do not take responsibility for her actions. If she became angry, do not engage with her.galaxy night sky

Anger is her coping mechanism so. She is uncomfortable with these negative thoughts, but change may be too painful.

When you engage with an angry person, you allow them to transfer their anger onto you. They no longer have to cope with the feelings because you have removed the focus. You are now the problem.

If all of this fails then move onto the next step

  1. Separate yourself from your friend

In the end, if she is not willing to hear you and work on the issue, it is time for you to take care of yourself. You still have compassion for her but can not take care of her. Do not allow her to drag you down into the same depths she resides.

You can only continue to be there for her if you stay positive. You can be positive if you separate yourself and renew your mind.

Think of this separation as a temporary sanity check, your sanity that is.

Nelly is a negative person, and it is hard to be around her. You now have some insight into why she may be like this but you still can’t help but think, I need a miracle, she is absolutely positively negative.  I have listed three that will help you have more compassion for her. Do not be responsible for her actions. When you have done your best for Nelly, it is time to separate. Renew your mind with positive thoughts.

A cynical person will bring you down and drown out the positive. Do not let this happen to you. Nelly can choose to change when she is ready, and you can have compassion while also caring for yourself.

You may have questions, if so please leave a comment and I will assist you in any way I can.

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20 thoughts on “I Need a Miracle She is Absolutely Positively Negative”

  1. I totally agree that these people are masking something else behind their negativity. It’s hard to be compassionate at times but getting angry and annoyed isn’t going to help the matter. I think separating is a good idea because unfortunately, when we hang around someone like that all the time, it tends to rub off on us.

  2. I must say, I just realized that I am currently dealing with a negative Nelly in my life. I cannot tell you how informative and helpful this is because it can be difficult to love and someone who seems so miserable and angry. I kind of knew of the different coping mechanisms that people use to deal with life’s hard knocks, but I truly did not think that anger was one… I figured that is part of a person’s personality. I feel with this new information, I may be able to help my loved ones and determine if I need them in my life or not. Thank you for this; I know it’s going to help a lot of people. God Bless! 

    • Neva, thank you so much. I do love it when I am able to help someone with a situation. Remember above all take care of you and be kind to yourself. If I can be of further assistance to you please let me know. 

  3. This is a great post and has some interesting points of view. In my experience I’ve found that we all can be either possitive or negative and that we should allow ourselves to feel those emotions in a healthy way. 

    Sometimes there are people around that seem to have a hard time dealing with their life and they become negative or resentful. I agree with the fact that we have to treat them with compassion. However, not everyone wants to be helped, not everyone wants to change. It was hard for me to accept that and that sometimes we just have to let them be. 

    • Healthy positive and negative is comparable to good and bad days. You are right in, it is difficult to learn to accept that not everyone wants help and we have to know when to let go. 

  4. Hello Laura,

    I have been around a lot of negative Nellys. Turns out, they were the ones to change me to be the positive person I am today! I see that you listed reasons on why they are negative. I never thought a cover-up would be a reason & i’m glad you taught me this! They could be dealing with other issues & not wanting to share them with others – hence the cover-up. I do hope this piece helps others on dealing with negative Nellys.

    Best Wishes, Rachel

    • I can definitely see how someone negative can help you change to be more positive. What we see in others helps us to improve ourselves. Thank you Rachel

  5. Fantastic article. Many need to read this it’s so true. Many negative people have an inside problem and sometimes they won’t admit it and seek the help they may need. They live in a constant state of doom and gloom and sometimes convince themselves there’s no way out. I agree as a friend you have to do your best to stay up beat and positive around them cause who knows it may rub off on them. At the end of the day it does have to be about your own well being if you can’t do anything for them. I’m really happy I came across this great article.

                                                                                                                                      Thank you,

                                                                                                                                               David

    • Thank You so much David. You were able to see the exact teaching I was hoping to convey. You are greatly appreciated.

  6. Hi Laura!As long there are humans the positive and negative thinking will be present. Positive thinking can awake positive and constructive motivation and energy, and oppositely, negative will attract negative motivation and energy.At the same manner somebody might consider a realistic thinking as negative as well, and to positive thinking to boyish. But, the life is made up of positive and negative moments and experiences, the only difference is how we are looking at it.In any case, positive thinking and positive thoughts produce positive words and positive words can produce positive energy which in return can produce positive actions.The story is same with negative thinking but in a opposite way! Anybody has the choice to take the road they want, as they do! My question is , is it to be realistic a negative way of thinking or positive way of thinking? Positivism can also sometimes be unrealistic but it makes one feel well, that is the point.Good feeling and positive thinking are the medicine for the soul! Thanks for sharing such valuable post and approach to life!Best regards!

    • Thanks for your take on this situation. I believe everything is in moderation. To far to one side is not healthy. So to determine weather negative or positive thinking is realistic. Well neither is realistic if taken to far to the left or right. It all depends on who the person is. I have met people who are so positive that it is almost a fantasy. At the same time I have met people who are so negative that they will take anyone down with them. So the question you ask? Extreme of anything is not good for our mind and body. 

  7. This post hits the spot for me. I was in a very negative and toxic relationship for 21 years before he decided to abandoned me for a younger woman. Instead of drowning in my sorrow, I actually celebrated him leaving me. The toxic relationship was literally killing me and from that day on my life had changed for the best. Thanks for sharing this!

    • I am glad you decided to take care of yourself. Sounds like you ran through all the options and came to the take care of yourself stage. Good for you.

  8. Hi Laura,
    A great and well written post.
    I have never been one for negativity and feeling depressed, I always like to pick myself up and think positive thoughts if I start to feel a bit down.
    I do have friends and have had friends in the past also, who sometimes are negative, and when they are that’s when I know that something is not right with them.
    I will always try my best to help them in any way I can and make them feel positive again.
    I do agree though that you can’t let yourself get too caught up and therefore start to feel down and negative yourself. At the end of the day, people have to at least try to want to get themselves out of their negative state and all we can do is help the best we can. If they don’t respond to our help, then we just have to take a step back and at least we know that we tried.
    Best wishes,
    Michael

    • Michael, Absolutely, you are so right. I too am a positive person and it is difficult for me to be around negative people. But I also am one of the least judgemental people one will ever meet. I like to give a person a chance but also need to know when to let go. Thank You for your intuitive thoughts.

  9. hi laura
    great post. It is right that we should understand the negative people around us. Sometimes negativity is a way for people to show that they have a problem. They may not say it outright but you can tell that somethings a miss. And you may not put a finger at it. But you can tell that that person is undergoing something serious. And instead of judging, we should be more compassionate. And also that we should not let the negativity of other people get into us.

    • Joseph, You are absolutely right. It is so important to try to understand what may cause the problem instead of judging them because they are not like we want them to be. thanks for your take on this post. I do appreciate you.

  10. This is a great post! I love your tips on how to help your friend while not hindering yourself. There’s no point in lowering your energy to your negative friend’s frequency because that’s not the way to helping anyone. I agree, you may show compassion and point her in the right direction, but it’s up to her to make a decision about her change. You’re not obliged to endure anyone’s negativity.

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